my dream #2

i just now woke up i feel like i have to get this out of my mind hopefully this will help i just had  dream my dreams aren't normal i had nothing but nightmares for as long as i could remember but sometimes it be normal but getting to the point 

i was with some friends we were chatting about a lot of stuff i can't remember but then we started about wedding dresses how I'm about to get married to this guy right next me i have no idea who he is he's a stranger to me. but he started to talk to them about how i don't like he long types of dresses they seem to weird on me i was like oh whatever I'm looking something i like then i started to think about David how this just now started to hit me how I'm starting to regret this and how more and more times passes by then i start to this i can't do this i love David i want to be with me. 

then i woke up

a dream like this concerns me i worry about it I'm kinda one of those people who think dreams mean something. this i don't know what if its trying to tell me something /.\ then what do i do. i just don't know anymore. hopeful it means nothing it just a dream. i don't want it to mean anything so i won't let it mean anything i won't think about it anymore, it doesn't mean anything there it should stay in the back of my mind haunting me. waiting to resurface. it will problemly be back i know it will if i know anything about my dreams they always come back in one way or another. my dreams do nothing but repeat themselves.

i have to end this here i have a lot of stuff to do. /.\ so i hope everyone has a great day don't let anyone ruin it wether there in your life or in your dreams. i hope your doing amazing 

Love Rylee~

tv talk

i like to watch bunch of reality show, i don't watch a lot but i watch enough lol I'm curious and I'm bit nosey so if i want to know something my curiosity kicks in i will found out no matter what. one of my favorites to watch is snookie and jwoww. I'm watching there last season i found it interesting because now they both have babies now and they just makes me laugh there so funny i used to watch them jersey show omg that show was crazy. there a lot of drunking moments and really bad fights but a lot of drama. i like drama i just don't want to be in it. in high school i always manages to get in the middle of drama but i never tried to get in the middle i just don't know what happened. oh well lol I'm trying to type and watch tv on my laptop i type little and and then i watch the show I'm kinda forgetting what I'm talking about BUT oh so i have this best friend we been friends for over 16years we only had 3bad fights in our life time thank god. i have an amazing idea for her birthday coming up well its in april but i have get started soon. but anyways she has a lot come online friends she's met few times they live out of town so they don't get to hang out a lot but I'm going to send them her birthday card there going to sign it and bring it back its going to be sweet and she's just going to love it. ^.^ i did something long time ago when we were in middle school we went to different school even thro we lived across the street from each other we were still really close but i had bought a card and had all my friends signed it she didn't know any of them it was funny she loved it. i think she love this one more if it was her closet friends sign it. it just sounds amazing i hope sending it places won't cost a lot.  I'm excite i have to send it to Britain the UK it is so far away >.< it should cost much right? its just a little card. 

well even know its almost 5 o'clock dinner here in this house is really early so I'm going to go and eat so i hope lol so good night everyone or i hope the rest o your night are amazing ^.^ lol i see this kinda short but its ok i have more stuff to talk about i just don't want to talk about all in one day then o won't have anything else to talk about over time to you guys.

Love Rylee~

turkey day! & little bit of pokemon?

so as everyone knows ^.^ thanksgiving is coming up fast man I'm excited for it then I'm not excited for it. i have a broken family my parents are together but they still talk to each other like friends i guess thats what u can call it. since i live with my boyfriend and his parents that just makes more house to go to in since one day. i have about 4 to 3 houses to go to for thanksgiving all in he day and god i hate it. i have my moms house, my grandma G from my moms side of the family and then my other grandmas house and then i have to go get here where I'm living, >.< its just stressful and fatting becuz they make me eat at ever single house. there no getting out of it. i love thanks giving because of the food. i love turkey and the honey glazed ham and the pumpkin pie. its just so yumm. its a pain but now i have to drag my boyfriend with me because if i don't i get the where your boyfriend at? why isn't he here?? lol its like they except him to be with me at ever family event now because we been saying a hole 1 year and 9months now. but yea stressful. BUT OMG the new pokemon game is coming out Friday and I'm so excited because i preorder it and cant wait to go get it. I'm going to be stuck on it all day and and all night it doesn't take me long to finish the games. frankly i think there running out of ideas for pokemon. i mean i love the last game but the pokemon >.> there not the same anymore i mean come on whats with the trash bag looking pokemon thats not even... i mean its just erm. its disappointing thats all. i don't want them to stop but they need to stop. its going to get to the point where its just getting old and no one going to want to play the games anymore. they remade an old game? whats up with that?? i loved ruby and sapphire just the way they were. i played sapphire i loved all the water pokemon then and the contests were amazing but now I'm a fire pokemon trainer i power lol. i do indeed how a favorite fire type and mine is Arcanine <3 i have a thing for one of the eevee evolutions umbreon there my top to favs they are unstoppable team lol. but anymore still super excited i can't wait. huge pokemon fan. <3

dumdumdum i think ill call there it for today my boyfriend will be home soon i want to be gone with this before he gets home. still no one knows about it. i want to keep that way. i don't want anymore knowing about its me. lol oh well I'm having a lovely night and i hope you are two. <3 soo have a amazing night 

Love Rylee~

long time

i dont blog all the time I'm trying to get use to doing it because i really want to blog it makes me feel better, helps me get everything off my mind. >.> but yea no promise iv been doing nothing but playing video games. mostly minecraft now. i like to play online minecraft with my friends lol i have a friend who lives in Britain he has an amazing accent it just makes me melt i love it. i have a huge thing for accent. funny i don't like him at all he's not that cute. but he so sweet and funny when i talk to him i am in such a loving mood i wanna hug everyone. i love hugs there so tight and warming. i don't know. but as you all know xmas is coming up and thinking of what to get people is so hard especial when my boyfriends birthday is in the same month. so his birthday Dec 11 and xmas is 25th. >.< i have to think of 2 gift to give him and lucky me i thought of one to get him. so one down one more to go ^.^. i was talking to my x-bf where going to hang out soon. i really want to see him but a feeling i have in the bottom of my stomach is saying no its wrong to go see him. but i need to see him. i have so many things i wanna ask him and so many stuff i wanna talk to him about more i think about it the more nervous i get. but oh well whatever happens, happens. i been playing minecraft so much I'm super beside on all my anime and tv shows and some of my manga. i really need to catch up so badly. i think i might spend the night doing it hopefully i could at least knock out the anime and catch up thats most important to me. I'm watching this one its called Your Lie In April. it so good this  about this guy who can't play the piano anymore because he can't hear it, he still has his hearing it just not the same when he plays for himself and this girl who's a violist, little buy little she helps him bring back the spirt in him and helps hi play the piano again. I'm hoping they fall in love! they are so cute together, but the girl likes his best friend and he likes her. the boy likes her idk how she feels about him. rnq3igfbrgi4y idk it just so good you have to check it out.

i think umma  end this here for now i need to take a shower and start catching up on my shows. ^.^ so then i have more time to play video games. woo i love video games but man does it take up a lot of my time because i don't want to put it down. but anyway Good Night Everyone 

Love Rylee~

tattoos & piercings

so i was thinking of getting a industrial piercing but it turns out when i went down there and see all that stuff i don't have the right type if ear lol my ear is i guess flat in a way you couldn't put the bar in on one side of my ear its flat there no where to put it. soo i was disappointed i was looking forward to getting it done with my best friend but oh well but i woulda got it done to where they bend it little downwards to its at a angle but after thinking about that i decide no that but then i wouldn't be able wear a lot of bars it seems like i would have to spend more money so it wasn't worth my time or my money oh well there still tattoo i want to get i don't want to say tramp stamp but i want it on my lower back. its not a trampy tattoo and frankly i hate that word >.> makes me feel trampy for getting on down there but yea anyways i drop it out my self 4 or 6 years ago i basely poured my heart into this tattoo i don't think its going to be cheap i want it in color. with dark red black and a certain white color but not pure white but a maybe sandy white kinda like mummy bandages on there a certain i guess dirty color lol, I'm not good with color my best friend an artist when i say its blue she says no thats navy blue or midnight blue. you can just see me roll my eyes i be like same thing blue. she argue no this and that but oh well anyway yeah i have that tattoo in mine but ever time I'm in a tattoo place i forget to bring it with me so i can get a price range in how much its going to be. i don't want it small i don't want it to big either so it's gotta be just right (says goldilocks). paying for it going to be hard tho i have no job experience so finding a job its hard for me even in this town it seems like there no jobs ugh what a pain. i know i would do amazing in store that have to do with animals i know a lot and i learn fast when it comes to animals if only they give me a chance but all they see is no job experience next. what a pain that is plus i can't drive so I'm worried about that I'm trying to find something close to me. if i would drive i would find something lil further out but i can't I'm learning how to drive little by little. 

thats all thats on my mind today anyways I'm getting hungry its like 1:34 i been awake for maybe 2 hours i haven't eaten i don't really know what to eat there not a lot here in this house. i bought this big cork board i guess is what they call it for my boyfriend room he has a smaller one everything on his walls seems to have a place its mother doing my walls were like shit everywhere you couldn't see my walls. but yea i bought this big board so i can put replace is i could put some of my stuff on it and he can put more on it. idk i need to go shopping for shampoo and all that girly stuff I'm running low before i go and blow whats left of my money on junk i need certain things 1st ^.^ yupyup anyways Have a great day everyone!

Love Rylee~

the day

so i spent all day yesterday trying to book a hotel for LA Anime Expo ^.^ for 2015 I'm supper excited this will be our 3rd time going. the 1st time was just me and my best and then the 2nd time was me my best friend, my bf and hers now its going to be me her and my bf. you would think 3rd wheel bad and all that but we are all very close friends and there is no 3rd wheel. i won't allow there to be one. i know what its like to be a 3rd wheel it feels so bad. i hate it i make sure my best friend and my bf get equal attention. but yea were booked the hotel all we got to do is get tickets. were going for all 4days this time. 

I'm going to cosplay at this one I'm getting it specially order off this website call Darling Army. this is the cosplay I'm ordering. isn't it cute? i love it. i even have the big Edward Elric jacket. my jacket is signed by some of the cast of Full Metal. I'm trying to get it fully signed by the hole cast but that will take awhile. i can wait. i got it signed by 4ppl so far. getting this cosplay is hard she except 20 order at a time. and I'm wearing to my town anime convention in January. i picked the wrong time to order it to. its close to Christmas so she's going to super packed I'm hoping to order it this Saturday thats when she be open for order. I'm so excited for all the stuff to come. 

i can't wait for anime expo! ^.^ and February 14, is my 2year anniversary I'm so excited because i love my boyfriend so very much i never had a relationship where it lasted this long. my ex-boyfriend doesn't count cuz we were on and off for 3years never lasted more then a 3months. i gotta end this here my boyfriend asleep he just rolled over >.> no one knows about this blog its secret. soo Good Night Everyone

Love Rylee~

The Dog

so there this dog that lives in my neighbor and i love dogs don't get me wrong but he barks all day long and and all freak night it is soo annoying you have no idea its like bark bark bark bark. i'm just like ugh i sleeping here seriously ever now and then he would stop but he barks all the time i don't want to call someone about it i guess if u call you ever have to move out or get rid of the dog. i don't want to be that person. i don't even know who lives in the house or what house it is i would have to walk around and look to see. it sounds like the dog is outside all the time. i don't know if anyone actually spends time with the the poor thing. what if he barking because he's lonely i just don't know. i don't understand why this isn bugging anyone else i guess they can sleep at night. i guess it this happened a neighbor someone called because there little dog was barking none stop and someone went to there door and complained about it they moved out. my boyfriends family was worried about my dog she's a little breed i guess little breeds are yappers they call it. my dog is not a yapper she's bark at ppl who knock at the doors and other dogs ever now and then but she's os very quiet for a chihuahua mix. witch i am quite happy thank you very much. oh well I'm sure someone will complain  one day. i have bunch of game systems, i have ps2, ps3, wii, gamecube, N64 DS, and 3DS, i take good care of my stuff thats a lot of systems a lot of controllers and bits and so much dust >.< since i moved in with my boyfriend they play my ps3 i wasn't worried about it til my controller started to break witch pissed me off so bad i never broken a controller. his brother witch i have found out as a temper when he loses and slams my controller against the floor. he's a stubborn asshole and cheap. he's never going to replaces a 50 dollar controller. ps3 controller are not cheap so i payed for a new one spent 60bucks and got a 2year warranty I'm not going to tell him i got a new controller he can use the broken one ill keep the new one for myself. this is annoying i shouldn't have to keep a separate stash of game stuff for myself. but its whatever stops me from spending anymore money. 

i think I'm done for the day imam go back to my game ^.^ I'm doing amazing in she is super powerful I'm taking my time on the story mode of the game i do other stuff stuff i can master, I'm trying to make a lot of money so i can new armor. its not cheap >.> i wish it was but sadly its not. have an amazing day!

Love Rylee~

Happy B-late halloween

sorry it was halloween and my best friend came over we had a few drinks i forgot to blog. soo iv been thinking of getting a industrial piercing I'm actually going to go thro with it my best friend id going to get one with me its going to be fun. I'm more scared about the cleaning i wanna clean it right so it doesn't swell up real bad bleed ton. i don't wanna mess that up. ever tell me its hurt then other tell me no i didn't hurt at all. they said that about my belly ring to. that didn't hurt at all. so i don't think its going to hurt I'm worried about it. I'm going to get it done next week thats when my friend get paid. yea I'm excited and nervous at the same time. iv been talking to my ex and we are going to met up and talk. I'm excited but I'm very noise and curious person i wanna know whats been going on with him and his crazy ex and there twins. i wanna know why he shut me out for a year and then finally message me and wants to hang out. i know its stupid of me to go back to my ex boyfriend but were just friends and nothing more all my feeling fly out the door when he shut me out for the year. so I'm finally over that. lets me what else happened. oh i went shopping for clothes for the 1st time in 1years. i didn't get much i don't like shopping i got few shorts and a new sports bra i love it my sports bra its so comfortable to year! i hate wearing bras now. all i wear around the house is my sports bra and maybe when i go places to. >.> so yea lol.

im not sure what to talk about my game is going good. i still love it. my cats a jerk she stares at me from across the room. she doesn't wanna cuddle me anymore she cuddles my boyfriend more then she cuddles me. i think she's pisses off at me because i tap her on the head over and over when she try to stick her head in my food. it makes me so mad when she does that. i don't want car hair in my food I'm trying to eat. she knows not to eat my food but she eats everyone elses. she's eats like there no tomorrow. she's not homeless anymore food not going anywhere. i don't get animals something. but whatever they do what they will. she eats lil twice a day because she's getting fat. the only problem i really have with her is that she catches up the couch ill run  after her and say no! mittens she run away then go to the other one and do it. I'm just like seriously you ass cat. i love her to death but man she's mean to me. i hope everyone had amazing day yesterday I'm off to the shower. Good night!

Love Rylee~

My dream life

sorry i haven't been on in while i got new video game and iv been on it none stop. i stop to eat of course and other things but it so good i can't pull away from it. i love it!

i always dreamed about how I'm going to live when I'm older i got it planed it out. it makes me so happy when i think about it! i want to live by the beach on a boat wake up to that fresh air and lovely  ocean breeze. a boat by the beach just sounds amazing and peaceful and beautiful. everyone watch a big fancy house. nope not me i want to live simple. i would even rise my kids on the boat and they feel at peace like me. altho i told my boyfriend about this he took it personal and thought there wasn't any room for him in my dream. he left hurt he doesn't want to be with someone he doesn't see being with them in for long time. when i finally found out what he was thinking. i looked at him and smiled of course there room for you babe there always room for you. you can live with me or we can get a small house by the beach. i really love the ocean, it fascinates me there is soo much beauty in the ocean. so much mystery. somewhere in the deepest part of the ocean there so much we haven't discovered. there is so much life that hasn't been seem yet. habits that haven't been distorted my human hands its left beautiful. i have such a passion for it. we all came from the ocean we evolved. the would was once covered in water. it just so amazing. i care so much about nature and the world when i talk about it you can see how passionate i get about it and how mad i can be when u say other wise. i don't believe in god; sorry. i believe in mother nature; Evolution. its a real thing and everyone nose that. they just want to believe in other things to help them cope with stuff. 

On todays matter yesterday i found out there ton of wax in my left ear and its making it hard to hear. gross right? ew apparently cleaning my ears everyday for my entire life was my enemy it did this to me. -_- kinda makes me mad i cleaned to stop this and it happened anyways.  i been working on getting it out. it will take few days it will happen. i can't til I'm able to hear again. i think my boyfriend is getting tired of my blank expression on my face after he says something then i come out with a huh? what u say? lol he can read me pretty well just by the look on my face. i totally forgot what else i wanted to talk about. hmmm... nope ill think remember tomorrow where i will differently blog. Good Night everyone and have a lovely morning!

Love Rylee~ 

my dog

yesterday was my dog birthday she is 8 years old witch is like 56 years old in human. i did what any good person would do and baked her a lil cake. it was peanut better cake it kinda fell apart so i used the peanut better as icing to keep it to gather. lol i say it was a smart idea now it looks amazing it seems good to but it doesn't take good >.> we baked it at my friends house inside of my house because she spent the night to day before we had to take her to the mall then home, so i figured while were here why not bake it. housed very good peanut butter everywhere! i love to watch scary but there not much out there thats scary Annabelle wasn't scaring it just just creepy, very creepy. i don't like doll movies dolls creepy me out especially the old fashion ones, i had these to raggedy ann dolls when i was little they just sat there on my desk and stared at me it scared me i turned on the light throw them in the closet and that was that >.< no more dolls. i never played with barbies dolls when i was little i played with bratz dolls lol when i out grow them i gave them to my dog. witch was problemly a waste because years later my baby sister was born. i was a little bother who 15 now and my sister is 4 now. i love my sister so much! i always wanted one. i my brother lives with my mom and i don't talk to my brother at all unless he wanted something from me or my boyfriend. the kid turned into a brat. goes out with his friends and smokes but not my problemly i don't want anything to do with it or him. OH! i got a new 3ds game :D i got fantasy life it looks amazing I'm so excited to play it I'm going to to be stuck on my DS till i get my next game. i preorder 2 more games pokemon alpha sapphire and harvest moon >.> don't judge me i love harvest moon games. ill be on my DS a lot now. pokemon will only take me 3days to finish i usually play those games all day and all night. I'm a happy camper right now.

i think this will be the end for today i don't really have much to talk about nothing really happened just been regular 3day. have a amazing day everyone!

Love Rylee~

My 1st Anime Expo

ah this would be my 1st anime expo in Los Angles in 2012 i was so excited to go! we went for the hole 4days for the 1st few it was so much fun so much to see so much to buy. i had a blast. after the 4day there wasn't much to do. we saw a yu-gi-oh duel between to people they didn't it not with cards on a floor but with the disc things that go on your arm right? it was to look real. >.> but you know with out the all the stuff that goes on in the show. it was so fun to watch i wish they dueled again i had a front row seat to all of it. they did it in there cosplay as yu-gi-oh and Caba if thats how you spell it. i don't know how to spell his name i don't want to go look it up but i think you have the idea of you seen the show but for this picture to be honest i had no idea what it is. i just that the cosplay was so amazing he went all out. i wish i had a better angle on the picture i think it still a pretty cool picture. I'm going to go post it on deviant art but i might change it up little make it look cooler. while i was there i bought my 1st sword!!! omg I'm so in love with my sword. its thanks to anime expo is why I'm so obsessed with my swords overtime i go to a anime conversion wether its in my home town or in LA i buy a sword to 2. my collection it growing. it is soo amazing to have all my swords. ill have to show you guys my swords one day. 

that is it for the night or morning its about 1:16am on friday I'm still awake i need to get to bed soon soo Good night everyone 

    Love Rylee~

The Ex-boyfriend

recently iv been talking to my ex again. we always manages to find our way back to each other and start chating not matter how much it pisses people off. it makes me happy to talk to him. i love it. we plan to hang out sometime soon, he when we talk and share he always tell me that he's lonely and no one gives a crap about him anymore. i always tell him the same thing i been telling him for years i care. i always care >.< how many times do you have to tell a person before they finally get it? then he told me that makes me feel better. i said it should i been you this for years. i mean i have really every time we hang out i tell him i care. then he pushes me away. i mean like seriously? why you have to go and that? push me away. he wants to push me away then fine push. but I'm the only one who cares. I'm just so happy to talk to him again. <3

Flashback... 

i want to tell you something sad but heartwarming to me. 

   long time ago about 8 and half years ago i finally got my 1st puppy i names her Kiki she was the must amazingest dog i ever got from what i remember she was half pug, half Chihuahua. and half Pomeranian. she was gray with short curly hair. she was so cute i could never forget. i took her to the vet for her short and next few days she got really sick she couldn't live her not even to go to the bathroom and it broke my heart then one day my parents took her from my bed while i was asleep i woke up the 1st think i see if an empty dog bed and my mother walks in tells me we had to put her down she wasn't going to miss her. i cried all day. it still makes me cry when i think about it. the next day i walked into the my living room i see a big brown box i looked inside and what do u know its a new puppy. they named her maggie and gave her to me.

 i refused her i was upset about my lil Kiki  she made her way into my room i kepted pushing her off my bed over and over and over she wouldn't give up she keeps climbing back up and then i gave up i huge her and cried my eyes out on her. we have a rough time me and my dog maggie but she's turning 8 on the 25th. she never leaves my side. i love this dog to death. the picture is my baby girl maggie

Halloween

halloween is coming up! I'm excited ^.^ i love candy. its starting to set in that I'm getting to old to trick or treat. witch sucks D: becuz its free candy. me, my best friend and my bf went to a halloween the other day it was so much fun. i realized me and my bf have been to the halloween every year since i know him witch is only 3 years lol. we dated must of that. we were on and off 3times. this our 3rd go and been one year and 8months yay going strong. it was supper fun we tried on so many mask and hats and stuff. i had a blast

   we even did a Simons one where he was chocking bart i think that was soo much fun my best friend had fun with that one. lol we also did the turtles ones but there were only 3 of us i wish we had one more person so we can complete our team. we went out at night i had to go to the bathroom but they didn't have one there. we had to go next door to K-mart. there a bunch creepy people dressing up at night as clown scaring people and some of them are hurting them. i guess there apparently there caring weapons. I'm starting to get scared at walking out night in my town i don't want to run into them. what if they hurt me. ugh what is wrong with people why on earth would u want to that. i guess it start with this lady taking pics of her husband in the clown custom out I'm public for her magazines and then people got wind of that and started taking advantage of it. sure id understand wanting to scare people but my god you don't have to go and hurt them your making it unsafe for kids and teens and other people not to go out at night. so wrong

soo thats the end of today blog. I'm hungry I'm going to go eat. have a safe Halloween in 11days. and keep your pets safe and inside, there post going around that halloween is kill a pit bull day and other pets. be careful everyone. the world isn't as safe as it use to be. if it ever was.

Love Rylee~ 

My world

i always feel the world is crashing down on me and then there nothing you can do to even if u see it coming it still going to happen and it last night my boyfriend went thro all my message and got upset about me wanting to hang out with my ex-boyfriend all we do is talk. we lay on the sidewalk and talk. this morning he ignore me. didn't say a word. said nothing. I'm not stupid i know he went thro my shit. now he upset because he can't get mad about anything without my bring up cheating i only brought it up because the person he talks to bugs me. it bugs me like my ex-boyfriend bugs him. it wrong of me to bring up something like that? its only fair. he thinks my ex-boyfriend is going to make a move and then I'm going to cheat. I'm the faithful one here. iv been nothing but faithful. i guess thats what i get for being nice and wanting to talk to someone who makes me smile and who makes me feel better but oh well.  why did we have to fight over it why couldn't he just come talk to me and tell me it bug him instead of him throwing a hiss fit and getting upset. i don't understand why everything happens the way it happens. life isn't fair. its just cruel.

this is just going to be short and sweet. i don't feel so good. i feel sick to my stomach. I'm problemly not going to eat today. I'm not a stress eater quiet the opposite i don't eat when I'm upset. it makes me feel sicker like I'm going to throw up. i hate that feeling so much. feeling of about to throw up but never do one day its going to happen. >.< i hope everyone having a better day then me. i wish id nether woken up to this. have a good day my kitties.

{sorry for the spelling error if there are some}

Love Rylee~

Yesterdays, Today?

when to my cousin choir concert yesterday it was soo nice going back to my old high school ^.^ but the concert was amazing i got him to look at me and my best friend and he laughed and smiled i think from then he tried not to stare at us becuz we problemly mess him up, but it was beautiful. after that i went to her house and watched for my bf to come get me and take me home cuz you know i still cant drive. it was wondering and apparently there was a dust storm. shit got in my eyes my eyes started to hurt after that witch sucked really bad. after we went home i got home to a dirty room someone, not pointing fingers here, they left our window open and the blinds up there was dust and dirty everywhere i just cleaned this room 3days ago not i have to redo everything i did. so my nose is bugging me today i have allergies i been sneezing a lot today and last night. but that would be fun cleaning ... anyways to cheer me up me and my boyfriend hear something in the room next to use so we but our ears up to the wall to see what is was hehe lol it was frozen my boyfriend brother is watching a child's movie i looked at my boyfriend and laughter said lol i hope he has a girl in there. and what do u know he does. soo i guess they were having sex while watching frozen? i don't know and i really don't want to either. 

Flashback... 

soo me and my best friend found this cute lil kitten in the gutter about a year ago she was soo small you wouldn't believe it. she could fit in your hand. we took her inside her house and played with her and put her on Facebook to see if anyone wanted her no one wanted this poor homeless kitten. so i told her ill take her home and see if i could find anyone. my boyfriend came and got me and i put her in my bag to see if i could sneak her over. well lol you can't sneak a baby kitten there noise he heard meowing and looked at me and said what was that i said nothing >.> my giggle gave me away and he said let me see what whatever you have and i opened my bag and showed him lol he was AWWWWW soooo cute. we went home and i named her mittens becuz she has white paws. so i did find someone to take her but he wanted to wait to move into his new apartment. 6months later he asked for her and i told him no, everyone is to attach to her and they love her to death i don't want to see her go. soo we kept her. she's grown into a beautiful young cat. i can't see my life without her in it.

 Baby mittens ^
    and now v

 :) adopt please and don't let homeless animals suffer <3 they make the best friends.  

Love Rylee~

My Rut

i was texting my mom earlier today she keeps bugging me about learning to drive. i can't drive, 21 and i can't drive. thats not really my fault is it? its a parents job to teach there kid to drive. i can't learn on my own, who's car am i going to drive apparent not my parents if they won't let me use it then what am i suppose to do. it didn't really matter to me. i didn't care wether i drove or not. i just wasn't motivated to drive. i was depressed and sad i can't control what i want to do or don't. i don't know anymore, she says I'm in a rut because I'm use to doing nothing even when i did do something i still felt the same. i always felt the same. i felt like this for a good long away now. even moving out of my both parents houses. i still feel like this, unmotivated to do anything. sure if i want to go outside ill go walk to the park and hang out under the tree with the sun and the breeze it feel so nice. but when i walk back home i feel the same. i don't know maybe i need to get back on my depression pills. i hate having to take them everyday it was a pain to have to remember to take those darn pills ever sing single day of my life. it was like ugh! so i stopped taking them. i don't care lol nope don't care not one bit. 

i been meaning to get a job for while now so i can live alone with my bf, ever since we talked about it, its been something i really want. sounds amazing to live with my bf alone just the two of us happy and stuff. ^.^ no matter how much i wish for that to come true it still doesn't motivated to go out and find one. i need to get something to make feel like I'm motivated to do it! i don't know what it feels to  feel driven to go out and get what i want and to do it now. i need to find my drive, i want to find it but i just don't know how to go out and do that. ill find a way i know i will. i love my boyfriend and i want to live alone with him in apartment just the two of us. <3 

Love Rylee~

Mistake #1

Hmmm i don't know maybe its just me. no matter how much i tell myself your over him no more talking to him this is it your done; week later (types out message) "hi david :D"  >.> ugh then when he replies its like my heart just skip a beat and pounds million miles an hours. i get so nervous it kinda hurts then i get lil butterflies in my tummy. i always get that feeling when i text him. frankly i love it. i love the feeling you get when your nervous to see someone. BUT >.< i have no feelings for him none! i just i don't know anymore. being a girl sucks you get so many emotions and i don't know what to do. soo i texted him and asked him if he wanted to hang out and he said yess. i swear i think i squeaked inside. i was so happy. its been a year since i seen him, his now xgf broke our friendship apart and blocked me from him. suck how jealous women can get. i really don't want to tell my boyfriend about this. he doesn't like him at all. some part of me wants to tell him then others part its just nope don't do it. i don't know what to do, maybe i won't tell him. if it goes well then ill tell him, i don't like keeping secrets from him but I'm going to just this once, for now. 

iv been on my computer playing minecraft all day. i just don't know what to do. I'm bored, very bored. i have no friends soo there no where to go well i do have one she's my best friend, we been friends for over 16years long time. BUT she lives on the other side of town and i can't drive nether can she. soo i don't really get to see her that much, well i do have another friend who lives in England lol but thats on the other side of world. my god he has the most amazing english accent ever, when i hear him talk my heart sinks to my stomach and i get butterflies. i love accent there just amazing and adorable. he so cute i just wanna hug the shit out of him ^.^ he says the most adorable things ever. soo its 9:20pm and i think I'm going to go watch Revenge and Once Upon a Time. Good Night~

Love Rylee

My Thoughts & Day Dreams

when i lay here on my bed and day dream about how i wish this would happen or that.  it gets me thinking do i really want that to happen? is that what i truly want?? Hmm i guess i won't really know unless it happens but day dreams never really happen its what u wish would happen right? i don't really know. ugh life, I'm sitting here watching Bones thinking to my wow i really love this show. i love to look at all the dead bodies and see how they died and watch them cut them open or clean there bones. then it hits me minute later, eww riley this is gross what u thinking? >.< i don't know! i like it. i went outside i guess yesterday morning to take my dog out to the bathroom. there was the same yellow butterfly i see ever morning i wonder what would it feel like to fly? to just take off and sorrow through the air to go where ever i want. i day dream about that, to just take off and not look back to wonder what its like out there. i would love to visit the rainforest before i die. it just sound so beautiful and amazing.

lol im not going to lie i watch anime. one of my favorite anime's is Inuyasha <3. want to hear a really funny day dream. i bet i can make u laugh? it makes me smile when i think about it. here we go!!

When i was in; i want to say 4th or 3rd grade. I would day dream that Inuyasha would come into my classroom and pick me up stare into my eyes and take me away back to his time. I would say to my classmate see you tomorrow guys my boyfriend here. Everyday i would day dream about that. it still sounds amazing. Then when i had a rough day i would close my eyes and say ugh Inuyasha come get me please I'm so done with school then he be here in matter of seconds. 

being a kid u day dreamed about anything. that was something i really wished would come to. I'm one of those people who wish the anime world was real. but sadly its not so i can only day dream about it. come on you know that was funny? even a little. i made u smile. ^.^ I'm smiling. i rather day dream then actually dream at night. my dreams are the opposite there just scary and some of them are just straight out terrifying. thats all for now ill write more later on in the day.           Good Night

Love~ Rylee

Im back

I came here to tell a story that is what i will do, wether you here hear to listen or judge please hear me when i say i will never judge you. i been away writing poetry it makes me feel better i write my heart and soul out i share it to everyone who is willing to read my heart. my life has its ups and downs. the roads as been rough, hard, dark and cold. i have been trying to see the light at the end of the road. i look up at the sky and hope for a better day. in fact i wish on it but sometimes wishes never come true. when i feel down; when i feel like there nothing to bring back my happy spirt i sing my heart out when I'm alone. i write. i laugh. and i smile at strangers and hope that i will be happy again. i feel like my life is spiraling down, lately i thought everything was ok i thought finally here is my happiness waiting for me. but when i finally reached out for it, it kept moving away from me. telling me i wasn't ready for it, you have much pain to endure. but that silly right? i can be happy if i try i just need smile and laugh. 

I want to write everyday, here at my blog share my thoughts and feeling with you. pour my heart out to everyone. i want to tell my story and i want to do it right. i want to do it my way. please be gentle my heart is weak. i had to many people think they can push me around and think its ok to play with my emotions. will its not, it is not ok. i don't like it. i know you wouldn't like people playing with you.

So lets begin with to day.

I had a dream about my ex boyfriend to be honest as much as i loved him in high school i don't love him now but i have strong feelings for him feeling i wish i didn't have. I'm currently in relationship its been one year and 8months. this is the 3rd time we dated and its been working so far. we have problems but nothing bad. anyways when i think of my ex boyfriend it makes me feel distance and sad. it makes me want to see him and get answer for the question i have. but i will never get them because he ignoring me. why? becuz i tried to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life. he didn't listen of course and he hurt me. in return she hurt him. thats karma i guess? he still doesn't talk to me but oh well right? don't talk to me fine. he knows i was the only person who never hurt him i stuck by him. what do i get? a broken heart, lies, and bad gossip. i want to forget him and everything we did together so i can make my relationship work. i love this guy i hope to god he doesn't hurt me. i opened my heart up to him. i guess we will see where it goes. 

the end for the day

Love~ Rylee