Story

Once upon a time there was a girl with a dream. A dream so big she was excited and ready for life but then people made fun and laughed at her face And pushed her around. She was no longer excited for life. As nice as a person she was and still left with a lil hope. She kept push thro it all. No matter how mean people were. She did it with a smile. She said to herself "Forgive and Forget, I will not let this happen." then she meet her prince but that wasn't the end. Nope not by a long shot.



To be continued....

Forgive & Forget

I go by a phrase Forgive & Forget. I'll always forgive but then I'll try my hardest to forget. No matter how hard you hurt me or say something mean to me. I will always forgive u even if I don't want to. It's like my curse to forgive anyone and everyone. I can't stay made at a person and I can't be mean to them. It's just who I am. I guess you can say I'm easy to screw over. All I ever want is for someone to be happy. To make people happy. Even if that means hurting me. Then im fine with it. I put people before my self. All the time.

Happily ever after

I'm so jealous of everyone. There all happy and together. Look at me alone and trapped in my own world. I hate feeling alone. But no matter how I must I try, I just can't do it. I can't escape myself. I hate myself. I know a couple that's been together 4years. Man what I give to be that happy. There so in love. And happy. Y can't I be like that? What I give to feel loved. To feel like I matter to someone. I don't choose to be like this. I just am. All I want is to stay in my room all day and never come out. I barley even talk to my friends, I don't see my family. I'm sad all the time. I forget what's it like to truly smile. To truly be happy. All I want is to be normal again that's all

People

I'm so annoyed with people. I opened up. I tell him everything he asked and begged for this. And what your going to complain to your fucking friends that it's to much to handle. Shit if u didn't want this then you should've asked for this. I warned him. Do they listen NO. Ugh all I want is for someone to actually listen to me and want to. I can't talk to anyone... Y is it so hard to open up. I don't want to ever open up again. In done. My mouth is close.

Pretend

some times it hard pretending that nothing happen. to pretend that everything okay when its not. i have a hard to going to school, sitting in front of my friends with a fake smile. i hate to pretend that's all i did. my whole life was pretend, that i someone else or (this one my favorite) pretend that I'm the prefect girlfriend. i try everything i can to impress every one i do mean every one. its so hard. i cant be myself around people, i don't... want them to know who i really am. I'm scared that i wont be accepted as who i am. i guess when u hear those girls shout out your fucking fake to another girl. i sit here and think that's me good old fake Riley.... if there is a person out there that i can be me. i would never let them go. i hate to pretend. i just want to stop it. but i cant. i wont. i never will even if i wanted to. its like that's who i am now. no matter how much i try impressing people always come first even if that's means going things i don't want to do. why does my life suck...? oh well til my dieing days that's i am. what makes me happy is that one person saw right through it I'm pretty good at this. i mean i never in my whole life thought that someone would find out. but he did he saw right through it and new i was pretended.

that is my life. I'm nothing but a fake bitch right? does that make it okay to act fake? even if I'm doing to make the other person happy?

cutting

i'm a cutter. i cut myself  but the other day when my friend an her cousin were talking about Demi her cutting problems. they asked me why i cut myself. to tell you the truth i really never thought about it.

• one reason is that its an addiction. after my 1st time cutting myself i was addicted to it. i just wanted to do it again and again.
• second reason is that i'm depressed when im sad i just do it to
• third reason is pain. when i cut i feel like it releases my pain. it hurt so much that i like it. it makes me feel better

last but not least

• i like to look at my blood when it comes out of my cuts. just the thought of it makes me feel better. 

i guess i have some serious problems right? my friend told me that the reason i like to see my blood come out is that its all my stress and pain coming out. witch makes since. i'm no always so depressed when i'm with him i feel like all my pain is gone. that no is nothing to worry about. i feel amazing and happy around him. he means a lot of me. i just want to be normal i want to be me. i don't want to be so unhappy. so depressed. i hide it the best i can from people and the few friends i have left. i don't like it when people see me sad. it makes me feel guilty.makes me feel bad. i feel like no one cares and that its wrong to be sad and depressed. so i hide it the best i can.

Pain

i dated a boy in high school. we went out all of freshman year and sophomore year and junior year on and off. i was so in love with him. but what he did to me was unforgettable. it hurt me so much. he did this to me...

one day after we broke he went out with a girl he hated so much just to get back at me. they would kiss and hug and laugh in front of me just to make me jealous and try to get a me to do something. basically to react but all i did was smile and laugh. i didn't want to show them that i was hurting inside. all i wanted to do was cry and run away from them. they didn't it everyday in front of me. they even try to come hunt me own. it just wasn't right. how much they were trying to hurt me. then when i couldn't take it anymore. i cried my eyes out one of my friends arm so hard. then he saw me he finally stopped. he got his full.

he got his fill and left me alone. i just cant believe that people would do anything to try to hurt you. it till hurts me today. it was a memory i want so hard to forget. i want to forget all my pain. it hurts to much. i just cant help but to think about it. i try so hard to forget i even cut and hurt myself.

Running Away

iv always wanted to run away to Venice beach in CA for as long as i can remember. a fresh start. but i'm alone 19 no money. but that's not stopping me from going. there something else. i just cant putt my finger on it. i really want to go. so badly. even if i have to leave on the street and find a way to get a job. i just want to leave my horrible life. and start over be me. and my own person. i want to be happy. i'm so tried of crying. so done. i want to take off.

so i made up my mind i'm going to save little money buy a bus ticket to Venice and leave first chance i get no one going to stop me. ill get a job ill leave off the streets sleep outside. no matter what i'm going to get the hell out this dumping town and leave. 

i have my head set on this this is what gets me out of bed in the morning leaving this town being me going to Venice its such a wonderful town i'm so excited to go

first

• get a job
• save money
• buy a ticket
• then leave. 

yess thats is what im going to do. no one will stop me. no one

Nightmare #1

Every time i have nightmares I'm so afraid to think about them. they scare me. its problemly because i have them almost ever night and its almost the same nightmares everyday. i think I'm going to start writing them down. here my 1st nightmare from when i was little i remember it so well it feel like it happened yesterday...

i was on my way to my best friends house, it was a normal day. then i made it to my friend house everything was normal at first. we went inside to hang out. then my little brother came in he was like a zombie so dead and lifeless. he was turning everyone around him into what he was. so i ran outside scared and afraid i had no idea what was going on. then there was a tree in her yard it was alive and turning everyone into what my little brother was. it didn't say a word to me just gave me a creepy look then my little brother came outside and the tree stuck a ruby red jewel inside of them. as i watching this i ran out the gate and took of down the street with ever one running after me i kept going on and on and on. it felt like hours to me. then i stopped looked back and started to cry i felt like my life was over.

then i woke up afraid and ran to my parents run and slepted on the floor. i didn't want to be alone after that. i kept having that nightmare i feel like there hunting me. like they never want to leave me. i still have that nightmare every now a day. but now there getting out of hand. there really starting to get in my head.

The Beginning

i wanted to a talk about my life where no one can judge me and tell me that is so stupid. to express myself just how i am. i'm so tired of keeping everything inside, i don't want to hold back anymore. i want to be me and only me. i don't want to act like a different person anymore. iv lost so much. its starting to hurt me now. i cant hold back the tears anymore i cant fight my feelings anymore. i just cant do it all anymore. its getting so hard to pretend nothing wrong. to walk by people with a fake smile. i don't want to be fake anymore i just want to be me and only me. why is that so hard to ask for now a days anyways all i ask for from the people who read this is not to judge me or make fun or tease me and try to hurt me. iv gone thro enough pain. im so done with it.