upset

i guess being happy is a lot to ask for in this life. i got upset to day becuz i was looking forward to going to venice beach with my bf. its one of my fav beaches i look forward to going ever time. i didn't get go today becuz he "fell asleep" at his house. i got upset and i was hurt. i put my hopes up and he left down. i hate doing that. i always do that. i get hurt at the end all the time. its always the same. the fight we got into today got out of control. we almost broke. in fact i think i did. idk. we don't know where we stand. i some part of me doesn't care. i feel worthless. i fell stupid. i don't know y he wastes is time with me. all i wanted was to go to venice. was that to much to ask for. its my fav places. i don't like going alone, i love spending time with him. (sign) somethings just weren't meant to be. i guess what say is true. " no one cant hurt if your alone "  or something like that. i keep pushing ppl away. i don't mean to. i just think there better off without me. i just dont care about life anymore. its a painful. life hurts. im always had enough of it. i hate feeling this way. i try to change it but i can't. its hard. its really hard.

life a bitch