sorrow

I don't like to feel forgotten. I makes me feel like I'm not in the world anymore. like my life doesn't matter to people sometimes I feel like I'm just anther person in the world with no meaning. just put here on earth to feel pain and loneliness. do I matter? I just want what everyone wants. to feel happy an loved. to have life feel like a fairly tail. expect I need to be saved from my self. I mean, I just feel so unhappy so lost and forgotten. is it wrong of me to complain? I feel like I need to put up this image. I need to be excepted, I'm welling to go what ever it takes. sometimes I just don't know what to do so I sit here and cry and draw what I draw. drawing wroth a thousand words. so what can u see from mine? pain and a broken heart. so much unhappy pain. words cant express how feel so  draw it out and no one cares to notes. how much pain I'm in. people think oh hey its just a cool drawing but i see so much more then that. so much more... I just want it stop. all of it. cry out for help with out saying the words help me please. but no one notes that shows you how much people care about you.

Story

Once upon a time there was a girl with a dream. A dream so big she was excited and ready for life but then people made fun and laughed at her face And pushed her around. She was no longer excited for life. As nice as a person she was and still left with a lil hope. She kept push thro it all. No matter how mean people were. She did it with a smile. She said to herself "Forgive and Forget, I will not let this happen." then she meet her prince but that wasn't the end. Nope not by a long shot.



To be continued....

Forgive & Forget

I go by a phrase Forgive & Forget. I'll always forgive but then I'll try my hardest to forget. No matter how hard you hurt me or say something mean to me. I will always forgive u even if I don't want to. It's like my curse to forgive anyone and everyone. I can't stay made at a person and I can't be mean to them. It's just who I am. I guess you can say I'm easy to screw over. All I ever want is for someone to be happy. To make people happy. Even if that means hurting me. Then im fine with it. I put people before my self. All the time.

Happily ever after

I'm so jealous of everyone. There all happy and together. Look at me alone and trapped in my own world. I hate feeling alone. But no matter how I must I try, I just can't do it. I can't escape myself. I hate myself. I know a couple that's been together 4years. Man what I give to be that happy. There so in love. And happy. Y can't I be like that? What I give to feel loved. To feel like I matter to someone. I don't choose to be like this. I just am. All I want is to stay in my room all day and never come out. I barley even talk to my friends, I don't see my family. I'm sad all the time. I forget what's it like to truly smile. To truly be happy. All I want is to be normal again that's all

People

I'm so annoyed with people. I opened up. I tell him everything he asked and begged for this. And what your going to complain to your fucking friends that it's to much to handle. Shit if u didn't want this then you should've asked for this. I warned him. Do they listen NO. Ugh all I want is for someone to actually listen to me and want to. I can't talk to anyone... Y is it so hard to open up. I don't want to ever open up again. In done. My mouth is close.

Pretend

some times it hard pretending that nothing happen. to pretend that everything okay when its not. i have a hard to going to school, sitting in front of my friends with a fake smile. i hate to pretend that's all i did. my whole life was pretend, that i someone else or (this one my favorite) pretend that I'm the prefect girlfriend. i try everything i can to impress every one i do mean every one. its so hard. i cant be myself around people, i don't... want them to know who i really am. I'm scared that i wont be accepted as who i am. i guess when u hear those girls shout out your fucking fake to another girl. i sit here and think that's me good old fake Riley.... if there is a person out there that i can be me. i would never let them go. i hate to pretend. i just want to stop it. but i cant. i wont. i never will even if i wanted to. its like that's who i am now. no matter how much i try impressing people always come first even if that's means going things i don't want to do. why does my life suck...? oh well til my dieing days that's i am. what makes me happy is that one person saw right through it I'm pretty good at this. i mean i never in my whole life thought that someone would find out. but he did he saw right through it and new i was pretended.

that is my life. I'm nothing but a fake bitch right? does that make it okay to act fake? even if I'm doing to make the other person happy?

cutting

i'm a cutter. i cut myself  but the other day when my friend an her cousin were talking about Demi her cutting problems. they asked me why i cut myself. to tell you the truth i really never thought about it.

• one reason is that its an addiction. after my 1st time cutting myself i was addicted to it. i just wanted to do it again and again.
• second reason is that i'm depressed when im sad i just do it to
• third reason is pain. when i cut i feel like it releases my pain. it hurt so much that i like it. it makes me feel better

last but not least

• i like to look at my blood when it comes out of my cuts. just the thought of it makes me feel better. 

i guess i have some serious problems right? my friend told me that the reason i like to see my blood come out is that its all my stress and pain coming out. witch makes since. i'm no always so depressed when i'm with him i feel like all my pain is gone. that no is nothing to worry about. i feel amazing and happy around him. he means a lot of me. i just want to be normal i want to be me. i don't want to be so unhappy. so depressed. i hide it the best i can from people and the few friends i have left. i don't like it when people see me sad. it makes me feel guilty.makes me feel bad. i feel like no one cares and that its wrong to be sad and depressed. so i hide it the best i can.