3Year over do update. Part 1

Hello everyone who reads my little blog or just happen to come across it

its been while since updated this or looked at it to be honest lol

so lets to the highlighted points. 

So the guy i was dating lets call him X, i have spent 6 years with him. So huuu i broke up with him in August, 2017. i had some sense knocked into and not in a good way. i am very undeniable loyal believe or not. i went over to a close friends house. he one of my best friends i think of him of a brother. i never let him touch me EVER but anyways yea i went over alone he gave me a massage and i gave him one back. i ended up spending the night with him. you can see where this is going. one thing lead to another and i cheated, for the first time in my life. i went home and reviewed my whole relationship and came to the conclusion that i was bloody blinded. i realize i didn't love him at all.

I only saw him once or twice a week he worked a lot i guess, i changed, we're both gamers, so we game a lot but then i change thanks to my lovely momma. i wanted to get up and get out more and see the world basically and go for walks and hikes, i wanted to share that with him but all i get from him is that i'm to tired from working (he worked 5am-2pm 5 days a week) i couldn't even get him to walk the dog with me. i always heard No over and over again. after 3 years of hearing that at some point i gave up on asking him to do anything with me and it hurt a lot that i couldn't share these amazing moment with him. after while i found myself separating from him. i no longer missed him. the time i spend with him i wanted it to be over and i wanted him to go home. so that's one big reason here few more.

I always did things for him and i never complained to him exactly, i did laundry, i founded his clothes and put them away and washed them exactly how he wanted it, cold water separate whites from color, hang dry some of his shirts with fabric softener and all that i did his laundry perfect. it was bit of hard work every week. and then i cleaned his room everyday all the time, he um quite messy. i even vacuum when needed. i even took care of the all our dog and cats needs alone. i couldn't get him to feed them half the time when i was feeling bit lazy.

I guess what i'm saying here is that i was feeling very much used and underappreciated. i cant blame him completely. i could have spoken up and told him how i was feeling and see if we could work on our relationship and make it better, stronger but here the thing one big reason i didn't really and ill tell you why TOMORROW <3. 

Well that was no highlight but still ! lol  its a big life highlight in my little existing life

tomorrow update going to make smile its basically my dream come true. 

Good night everyone love Rylee <3

Friendships/Best Friend

I'm venting to you guys because i really need to vent. i have this friend who i claim be my best friend we been best friends for over 13 years thats a long time but over the years iv been hit over and over everyday, verbally abused she likes to call me stupid and idiot all that and my favorite iv been left out of everything. i would never do any of that to my friends because I'm a great friend who there for them when they need me. i invite her everywhere! i take to parties, restaurants, the beach AND cruise to Mexico. i buy her whatever she wants if i have the money. i do nothing but give, give and give. I'm not asking for much here just some respect.

well today the went to the beach, i hinted out plenty of times i wanted to go i even went as far to say i wish i could a went. because she likes to tell me these thing as there on the highway she even said ok next time ill invite you. oh look its next time all i got was a text "woot woot going to the beach." i already knew that from that text they left and i got new invite. i was crushed. 

i just don't get it am i asking for to much? i know i should tell her how i feel everytime i do we end up fighting so i keep it in i cry and complain to my bf then i forget. i love and go by the quote "Forgive & Forget"  I'm forgiving now I'm going to forget after this post. its ok one day when she does something bad ill just give up and tell her what my problem is sometimes i think I'm at my breaking point. I'm not one of those people who post about a problem about someone online so they see it and there not sure who's it about but they have an idea its them, you get me? oh well i think its time to go watch a funny movie i have my warm tea i venting. i actually feel better. thank you everyone. I'm going to start putting up a poll vote so i can get an idea. it will change ever overtime i post. 

Love Rylee i hope you have a wonder day <3 because its 2:03pm here. maybe its night time there so Good Night! sweet dreams  

Poetry

   hello everyone
 sorry its been awhile life has been ok but i need to vent >.< venting makes me feel better. nothing much is new iv ben having more dreams about my x-bf i can't help but think about him. i miss him so much it sucks it makes want to hugs him and laugh with him and spend time with him moving on I'm learning to let go. letting go is hard BUT iv been thinking to myself lol i want to write a book i have an idea but Im not sure what i do with it after if i finished I'm not a much of a writer but i just feel like it and the idea i have feel great maybe interesting and different I'm not sure well see what happens i got my cat Zeus a new litterbox so he likes to eat it and sit on it o.o its looks like kinda like an ig glue its around with stairs. he kinda acts like a puppy he loves to eat everything it annoys the crap out of me. he ate my bf headphone 30 dollar headphones like 3 times. overtime i yell at him no bad cat you have my dog behind me and barking at the cat she's like my back up. so were both yelling at the ca. o.o overtime he does something wrong my dog there to stop him for me. OH before i get carried away the point of the tittle. i use to write poetry when i was sad it made me feel better it may not be good but I'm proud of it . . . .

Black As Night

A rose as black as night 

Blacker then the heart that acks 

Inside my dead body 

In witch thats colder then ice itself 

Paler then the full moon 

A heart that acks from being broken 

Broken from a man that betrayed me 

Betrayal the worst of them all 

No wonder why i can not bare my life 

A rose black as death 

Dead like the Red Rose that bleed 

from inside the heart. 

My heart that can no longer live 

I ack from pain that i wish was not mine 

I wish the my heart would stop 

I do not wish to live my life 

The pain is to much to bare.

this one not my first but it was one of my favorite. i only wrote when I'm sad it like a fire it gets me going. but i haven't been that sad in while so its been a long time since i written. but its ok one day ill find something else to inspire me and ill wrote practice my poetry and again. thats it for today

 Good night everyone i hope your having a wonderfull day love rylee

dreams #3

you have a dream about someone and you just miss them to death when you wake up then you can't stop thinking of them the whole day because u just need to see them but you can't either because your busy or they are or you guys just don't talk to each other anymore for some unknown reason. i had a dream about someone but you know other stuff happen so it made my dream 10times weirder. i wanna tell you I'm sure u wanna hear. lol i love hearing about people dreams there so interesting. ill tell you what i can remember.

i was in a hidden place with a shipwreck boat  half under water and half above water it was covered in those trees with the drooping leaving going down i was there with bunch of "my friends" that i knew we were looking around and we found out that the boat looked so familiar it it turned out to be our place we were in the past life a mermaid, we were reincarnated into people. we were so shocked and we were starting to get out memories back and were remember that we were running from this guy who was trying to blow us up and kill us. i was with this guy who (who i know in real life but i won't name so ill call him john), me and john got together and we wanted to get back together because we missed each other so much and we loved each other, i want to see him so badly when we got together we couldn't leave each other side i wanted to be with him so badly my heart would pound out of my chest. we lay in one of the rooms and on the boat together and talked and have fun i felt so happy and stuff. we got together with the rest of out friend had fun explode and got food we wanted to live her and stay then we looked out the front be hide the leaves and we say a guy in a truck in front of our hidden out we notice he looked like the guy who tried to kill us in our past life so we got worried and we told out friends to go and hide i squeezed john arm and  and looked at him and i really got worried. 

thats all i could remember. for right now. since iv been with my boyfriend i don't really have dreams i use to get night a lot to the point where i wake up crying and scared ill be in the corner of my bed bugging the light to turn i was so scared. now i just feel safe and there hasn't been a nightmare in a long time. i get weird dreams ever now and then but not so often.

ill end that there so i hope u enjoy my dream. :D Good Night Sweet Dreams Love Rylee <3

Pregnancy Scare

i had a pregnancy scare this week i was 5days late on my period my boyfriend wasn't so happy about me might be pregnant we aren't in the right place for a baby i understand that. i always wanted a little girl. i was happy and kinda scared but was secreting hoping for it. but on the 6th day when my boyfriend leaves out of town with his family i started my period. i usually start heavy but I'm really light witch is werid but i guess its nothing its the next day I'm still light but again its problemly nothing. i told my best friend i was just sad really sad. oh well he we talked about having kids told him ill name the girl and u name the boy because i already have a name for my lil girl picked out. its a secret, I'm in love with this name its just amazing, its from a video game i played after i heard her name i just fall in love with it and watched to name my daughter it. one day i guess.  but yea we talked and he said when were out living by ourself then well start a family. that made me so happy but yet sad because thats in the future it sounds so far away. i wish it was now there not much i can do til i learn how to drive and get a job so i can help make it come true. well live with his parents right now he has job working on getting his promotion. I'm learning how to drive so i can go out and get one and be able to get to it.

but whatever happened I'm so excited for the future with him. i wish it come already so i can have kids i want two one girl and one boy. i hope i have a girl 1st. <3 but like i said in the future. hurry future get here!!! lol well that was my pregnancy scare. ill end this here. its 2:30am I'm getting sleeping.

Good night everyone Love Rylee <3 

Shattered dreams

There nothing more annoying then looking for a job your get so excited then you ask to borrow a phone so you could call them and see if there hiring and they ask why i said I'm going to see if Body Xchange is hiring, then on his way he saying something i not sure what he said, then he comes back i said what u say u kinda walked out. he said they hiring people like body builders and people with sports background. i know people that don't have that back ground and they get the job. it just kinda hurts why can't you just smile and say good luck baby! that woulda made me feel better. if they don't want me ok sure whatever no hard feelings. may its just me being to sensitive i don't know but i like little support then i said what u trying to say, he said nothing then got upset. I'm thinking why you upset?! your the one who just shattered my hope of getting this job. throws the one on the bed and said ok go call. at that point i just don't want to call anymore I'm kinda hurt and just don't care about the job now. 

you don't have to be rude to someone. like say your mom said If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. i keep that very close in mind. i would never say something rude to someone, like hey you, your to stupid for that job its for smarter people. thats just rude at least give them hope and support and good luck. that enough will give them convinced  and a positive attitude they go in there with there head hell high and everything. i don't know i guess I'm little hurt that my boyfriend would say something like that. i have no job expenses at all none. its easy for him cause his  dad a manger of the store he works so his job was handed to him. i guess what I'm saying be nice and soft be rude and give people little love. that girl your sitting next to or your friend could be upset about something and you wouldn't even know saying something mean could bring them down.

I'm good at faking a smile but something just really hit home and hurt. kinda sucks. sooo

be nice, stay positive, smile. Rylee loves you!  and good luck with your goals in life. <3

kittens and love

my life has been going pretty well as of yet. there nothing to really blog about it, i blog when I'm upset. its been awhile for those who actually read this m very sorry. i don't want to blog about something boring. i want to blog about something meaning full. and stuff in the mean time up to date well i found a kitten, i love taking in strays and giving them homes but this one is just everything i want it him to be he's just cute and my boyfriend loved him to. i always wanted a black cat. he does the cutes things, we can throw a sock across the room and he'll go and catches it and brings it back. we found him at 6months he's now 8months around there. we found him before christmas. he's sweet i love him and he's very playful and hyper. kinda a cry baby, he doesn't like to be alone. strays really do make the best pets. they already know what its like to be out there in that world and they'll do anything to make sure they don't go back. he's great he brings me lots of cuddles and love and laughter.  I'm happy my dog likes him to. 

i guess there is something thats been bugging me it always has to do with my x-boyfriend as awhile. its weird how stuff just doesn't really leave your mind. i haven't thought about him in a month but then i had dream about him and the next day he texted me. my heart heated so fast it felt amazing but nerv recking, i don't want to feel that way about an x-boyfriend. i love the guy I'm dating now. and nothing will change that even a dream about the man i care so much about. 

so good night everyone, i hope your having a lovely day or night. ill try to keep you up today. <3 Love Rylee