cutting

i'm a cutter. i cut myself  but the other day when my friend an her cousin were talking about Demi her cutting problems. they asked me why i cut myself. to tell you the truth i really never thought about it.

• one reason is that its an addiction. after my 1st time cutting myself i was addicted to it. i just wanted to do it again and again.
• second reason is that i'm depressed when im sad i just do it to
• third reason is pain. when i cut i feel like it releases my pain. it hurt so much that i like it. it makes me feel better

last but not least

• i like to look at my blood when it comes out of my cuts. just the thought of it makes me feel better. 

i guess i have some serious problems right? my friend told me that the reason i like to see my blood come out is that its all my stress and pain coming out. witch makes since. i'm no always so depressed when i'm with him i feel like all my pain is gone. that no is nothing to worry about. i feel amazing and happy around him. he means a lot of me. i just want to be normal i want to be me. i don't want to be so unhappy. so depressed. i hide it the best i can from people and the few friends i have left. i don't like it when people see me sad. it makes me feel guilty.makes me feel bad. i feel like no one cares and that its wrong to be sad and depressed. so i hide it the best i can.

Pain

i dated a boy in high school. we went out all of freshman year and sophomore year and junior year on and off. i was so in love with him. but what he did to me was unforgettable. it hurt me so much. he did this to me...

one day after we broke he went out with a girl he hated so much just to get back at me. they would kiss and hug and laugh in front of me just to make me jealous and try to get a me to do something. basically to react but all i did was smile and laugh. i didn't want to show them that i was hurting inside. all i wanted to do was cry and run away from them. they didn't it everyday in front of me. they even try to come hunt me own. it just wasn't right. how much they were trying to hurt me. then when i couldn't take it anymore. i cried my eyes out one of my friends arm so hard. then he saw me he finally stopped. he got his full.

he got his fill and left me alone. i just cant believe that people would do anything to try to hurt you. it till hurts me today. it was a memory i want so hard to forget. i want to forget all my pain. it hurts to much. i just cant help but to think about it. i try so hard to forget i even cut and hurt myself.